The term ally has been bandied about a lot over the last few years. People have been talking about what it means to be an ally and in some cases deeming themselves allies. But the issue has been somewhat fraught, with concerns about the term itself and what it means to actually do allyship well.
In recent years, perhaps due to the fact that there are so many folks labeling themselves as allies, some have preferred the term accomplice or co-conspirator in its place. Why those terms in particular?
Well, the idea is that it is very easy to label oneself an ally, engage in performative activism of some sort, without actually putting oneself on the line. To really support oppressed groups, you need to be wrapped up in the risk associated with this support. Being a member of an oppressed group and advocating for justice means that you are breaking the rules of the system. So, the terms accomplice or co-conspirator acknowledges that risk. Being an accomplice or co-conspirator is really putting yourself on the line, whether socially, financially, physically, or otherwise.
So, whatever you call it, what does it look like to do this well? Here are 7 examples:
1) Actually putting yourself on the line- physically, socially, financially— this means being willing to give up social connections or clout, risking criticism for your support, donating money or time in a way that is actually significant to you (like, it might hurt a bit), or risking getting arrested or injured. Protesting is not the only way to support, but if you do, it might mean standing on the edges of the protest, putting yourself on the actual line.
2) Going beyond “slacktivism” or performative allyship— I’ve talked about this before, but this means going beyond posting black squares on social media or just wearing a pin. It’s actually engaging and doing the work.
3) Not making it about you or self-defining— this not about white knighting, martyrdom, or being a savior. It’s not about getting “points” for the work you are doing. You would do the work even if no one was there because it’s the right thing to do.
4) Not getting defensive when called out— you want to see yourself as a good person. That is normal! So, if someone is insinuating that you screwed up or did something wrong, it is sometimes hard to take. You want to explain all the good things you did or how you tried or you want to make excuses. Instead, just thank the person for letting you know, tell them you’ll educate yourself about the issue, and move on.
5) Doing internal work, but going beyond that— yes, it’s great to read every book on the anti-racist reading list or to attend a training, but it also requires going further, as noted above.
6) Following the leadership of those who experience oppression— the people who know best how to liberate themselves from injustice are the ones who are experiencing it. Listen to them first. So, for example, you should listen to a Black person or a trans person first if you are focusing on anti-racism or anti-trans justice… not, for example… me!
7) Making mistakes— this is a process and you will make mistakes. That’s expected. Don’t let the fear of messing up keep you from doing anything at all and as I’ve mentioned in the past, learning how to apologize is a really important skill!
Let’s be real. I have made ALL of these mistakes in some way or another at different times. The information that I am sharing here includes many things that I have learned in the process. And I am still learning every day.
Most of this is in reference to individual work, but of course, individuals make up companies, too— and much of this applies as well. I’ve discussed this at different points including a recent piece where I covered it in reference to Blackout Tuesday, and what that looks like at the level of a company. So check that out if you are interested. But, overall, recognizing the ways allyship works at the organizational level is important, as well.