So many of the conversations we have around making change and shifting culture happens after the fact. We talk about education and training— which is a lot of the work that I do and love! But, when we are talking about workplace trainings, a lot of the work is about undoing things we’ve already learned from our parents, from our schools, from the media, and from the culture at large.
My first introduction to prevention work was in my role as a prevention educator at our local rape crisis center. My job was to go out to businesses, schools, and universities to educate folks about issues such as gender roles, stereotypes, consent, definitions, and legal issues connected to sexual violence.
From a public health approach, this is called primary prevention. Primary prevention is preventing something from happening in the first place by changing norms and attitudes. Secondary prevention, on the other hand, occurs immediately after an event happens to decrease its impact or prevent it from happening again in the future. This might include something like training first responders in trauma-informed care. Tertiary prevention addresses long-term consequences. This could include something like therapy for the survivor or for an abuser.
In the music gear industry, in order to shift culture, a combined approach is helpful. We need to focus not just on giving cis women, trans, and non-binary folks, LGBTQ+ folks, and BIPOC folks the mic. In order to truly shift culture, we need to focus on primary prevention. And one of the ultimate tools of primary prevention is parenting!
The importance of raising children who don’t create negative environments for others has been a frequent topic on Mid-Riff. Of course, parents are just one influence on a child’s life, but as we all know, it can be a powerful one. And the more attention we give to these issues, the less “undoing” we’ll all have to do. So, if you are a parent, you have a lot of power to make change!
I am in no way a parenting expert, but I am a parent, and I have done a lot of research on this topic over the years. With that, here are a few suggestions to begin:
Media Literacy. If parents are a big influence on kids, the influence of their media consumption is up there, too! This doesn’t mean that your child can only watch PBS. But it does mean that you can provide them the tools to analyze things that… aren’t PBS. That might mean you need to watch with them, to help guide questions, especially if the show is new to you. What questions should you ask? The Big Five Media Literacy Questions are a good place to start. Of course, sharing media that has better representation in the first place means that you have less questioning to do! At our house, when we are reading books or watching shows with poor representation, we talk about it. I ask my son, “It seems like it’s only white people, and mostly boys, in this show. Does that seem fair?” or “Why is it that so many princesses need to be rescued?”
Model the behavior/language you want to see. If you’ve ever taken a psychology course, you probably learned about Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory and the Bobo Doll experiment. If you are calling people names, talking about your or other people’s weight, or making stereotypical statements in front of your child, they will notice and they will internalize those messages. If you are in a heterosexual household and your responsibilities break down in a highly gendered fashion, your child will take notice. If you only interact with people who look like you, your child will take notice.
Assess your community. On that note, taking stock of your community is important. Who do you interact with on a regular basis? Who attends your child’s school? Who attends your church? Who’s in your family? If all of those people look like you, it might be an opportunity to extend your circle. If you live in a highly segregated community, note that and talk about why (redlining, gentrification, etc.). Contact Theory states that (especially under the right conditions), interactions with people who are different from you can lead to increased familiarity and trust and reduced prejudice.
Lift them up. Obviously, you should tell your child that you love them and you are proud of them. But reinforcing specific positive behaviors when they do them is great, too— like when they help a sibling or friend! Of course, the side effect of this is that if they feel good about themselves and if they are confident in themselves, it will be easier for them to stand up against those who are creating a negative environment in the future. And especially if your child is a part of an oppressed group, sharing more about the positive aspects of that group and its history is a good protective when they encounter negative spaces in the future.
Teach them consent. Children need to learn that their body is theirs and they do not control other people’s bodies. That means that they don’t have to hug their grandparents or anyone else if they don’t want to. You can also teach them this by asking permission to give them a hug or a kiss yourself and that if they want to hug another child or hold their hand, they need to ask them permission to do so and listen if they say no.
Build empathy. Teach your child that other people’s feelings important. And that those feelings are not more or less important that their own. This helps keep children from thinking they are the center of the universe and decreases their likelihood of entitled behavior in the future.
Talk about power and privilege. Kids have a lot of questions about why people behave the way they do. When my child asks why a child bullies other children, we discuss the reasons behind that— that the child wants power and that they may have learned from their parents that that’s how you get it— but that real power comes from being kind to and helping others. We talk about race and gender issues openly and regularly. Talking about these dynamics helps to provide context to other messages he might get in the world.
I am not a perfect parent-- far from it! And I do not remember to do all of these things all of the time. But beginning these conversations now can be a step towards raising children who will create the supportive music spaces we want to see— whether at the workplace, in music venues, in bands, in studios, or social media.