On Mid-Riff: The Nuances of Being "You Go Girl"-ed

Mid-Riff This Week:
Ava Mendoza, Plus a Listener Question!

Check out Episode 002 of Mid-Riff where I talk to certified shredder, Ava Mendoza (from Unnatural Ways, collaborated with members of CAN, Sonic Youth, and many more!). Ava and I discuss music store paranoia and the nuances of being “you go girl”-ed, and I answer the following listener question: "What do you do when someone says something sexist, terrible, or otherwise offensive?" (more about this below!)

-Ava's website!
-Video for "Dogbodies" by Unnatural Ways- clip featured on Mid-Riff!
-Listen or subscribe on my website or via your favorite podcast app!
-Follow along on Facebook or Instagram!

Stay tuned for upcoming interviews with: Pretty Much Everyone at NAMM, Marissa Paternoster (Screaming Females), Alice Bag (the Bags), Reba Mitchell (House Red, Whore Paint, etc.), Audrey Zee Whitesides (Speedy Ortiz, Worriers), Emily Harris (Get Offset podcast), Julie Robbins (Earthquaker Devices), plus more!

WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING? (updates!)

Next week, I start a new Intro. to Gender & Women's Studies class at RISD (Rhode Island School of Design). I am excited to be teaching there and working with a new crew of students to think about ways that they can apply the course work in their lives and through to their art practices.

RIOT RI's (formerly Girls Rock! RI) Changing Our Tune project is moving right along! We created the Providence Music Scene Climate Survey to assess folks' experiences and share out to venue owners, bands, and audience members in future bystander intervention trainings. We also held the first meeting with venue owners and staff to identify shared expectations between venues. We're getting there... together!

What's more fun that employee handbooks?! NOTHING. THE ANSWER IS NOTHING. In the next couple of months I am going to be working with a few companies to: 1) identify and describe their company values, 2) ensure values are lived out through the policies described in their employee handbooks, 3) hold trainings to ensure employees are on board with said company values and policies. While this might sound boring to some people, policies are REAL and make real change, so I am super excited about this work!

Rad Tips / Rad Research Corner 

RAD TIPS!

What Should I Do When Someone Says Something Terrible and Sexist or Otherwise Offensive to Me!?

Of course, I don't have all the answers to this question, but in the podcast, I discuss some of the considerations here in more detail. 

While I am focusing a lot of this podcast on figuring out ways to get the industry to change, this is real and many of us have to deal with it all the time. It’s very easy to think of something while you are tossing and turning trying to fall alseep, or in the shower. So, here are some things to consider:

1. Think about their motivation

   1. Are they just tone-deaf and have no idea what they said?

   2. Did they just say something to rile you up and make you uncomfortable?

   3. Did they say it to impress their buddies?

2. What’s your goal?

   1. Just shut them up as fast as possible

   2. Get them to change their mind or stop this behavior in the future

   3. Real job or professional consequences

3. What is the power dynamic- is this your boss? 

   1. If so, it might be better not to say anything right now, or to make a joke and move on. 

   2. If it’s a coworker— you can maybe be a little more biting in your critique.

   3. Either way, documentation is always really important. So, document, document, document.

4. Is it worth your time?

   1. Do you have the capacity to deal with this right now? If not, don’t beat yourself up about it.

   2. Will your comments actually cause this person to change their behavior?

5. Just name it. If you are a customer, tell them what they said is sexist, racist, or homophobic, and that you don’t like it and neither do others.

   1. You can follow up that you are going to tell their boss.

   2. Or you can just call and tell their boss later.

   3. If you live in a small town without a lot of options, might this mean you don’t have access to this space or business anymore? That’s something you might weigh.

   4. If the person making the comments is a customer and it is creating a hostile work environment, your boss is required to make accommodations so you don’t have to deal with that. Otherwise, ask your boss the expectations around how to respond in these situations. Especially if you work with the public, there should be training to help.

   5. If it’s someone you think will actually listen and you are up to it, you could even point them to some books or resources that you think might be helpful.

   6. If you think the person could actually harm you in some way, this is probably not a good option.

6. Get someone else to back you up.

Most importantly: IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO RESPOND OR EDUCATE! If you want to, that's great, but it is not your responsibility to do so! It's a bummer that folks who experience oppression have to do this constant calculation in the first place (and think about how much mental/emotional weight you spend on these calculations- oof!). The responsibility is not on you to make them change-- ideally, it should be on their boss, buddies, or others around them.

Do you have a go-to response in these types of situations? What has been effective for you? What other questions are coming up for you right now? Send me an email-- I'd love to hear from you! 

RAD RESEARCH and READING!

• The Leadership Ethos: How What We Believe Can Inform Our Leadership Practices

• 1975’s Matty Healy Vows to Add Inclusion Rider to Festival Contracts

• If you really want a diverse workplace, you have to build safe spaces

• Hiring a Chief Diversity Officer Won’t Fix Your Racist Company Culture

• Still a boys' club: don't fall for the hype that the music industry has changed

• Women Who DJ: Knowing the Difference Between Tokenism and Equality

• The Nonprofit Sector as White Space

• The Radical Copyeditor's Guide for Writing About Transgender People

• It’s 2020 & Sexual Harassment At The Gym Is Still A Major Problem

• Empowerment Self-Defense Training in a Community Population

• How to Be a Better White Person in 2020

• Systems Change Is All about Shifting Power

• Dealing With Grown-Up ‘Mean Girls’

• 41 Women Who Should Be In The Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame

What are you up to right now? Have questions? Ideas? Send me an email and I'd love to hear about them!

Thanks for reading!

Hilary B. Jones

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