Both companies and individuals often get stuck when figuring out how to make change around gender equity and diversity in their workplaces— especially those run by cis white men, or from industries where cis white men dominate. We started with what companies can do, but here, we’re going to focus on what individuals can do.
I started with companies because often this is a systemic issue that is treated with an individual response. As I’ve noted in the past, even if everyone in your workplace received training, if nothing else in the company changes to support it, it’s not going to make change.
That said, you can, individually, make change in your behavior, and it is crucial that you do! Unless you are into being an asshole, (or an “in-person troll” as I like to call them)- then that’s a whole other issue!
Okay, let’s get started, shall we?
Making Mistakes and Apologizing
Let’s get this straight— you will make mistakes. I have made mistakes (I still do- often!), you will make mistakes, too. If you knew how to do this stuff, you’d already be doing it, right? Before you knew how to play “Eruption,” you had to practice it and you made mistakes. You have to practice this, as well. The main difference here is that if you make mistakes you also have to know how to apologize. And apologizing to your parents for playing a guitar solo too loud (and *just maybe* too wrong!) is different than potentially offending or excluding a coworker with your words or behavior.
If you already have trust between coworkers and psychological safety in the workplace, these conversations will be easier to have. But don’t think this excuses your behavior. You still have to TRY to learn and try not to make that mistake again in the future. The main point here: don’t let the fear of making a mistake keep you from trying to do better.
Get Comfortable With Discomfort
Much of the world, or the world cis men inhabit, has been created by and for you. That means that you are likely very used to being comfortable in it. It’s like if you are a white punk, metal, or indie rock musician and you go to Portland and you think “Wow, it’s like IT WAS ALL CREATED FOR ME!” (but maybe in a way that’s actually kind of creepy and WHOOPS has led to 100 days of Black Lives Matter protests). Well, most workplaces were literally created for men and men’s bodies. As with much of culture, the norms of the workplace were also created by cis white men.
As I had mentioned in my piece focusing on business owners and companies in the industry, in order to have difficult conversations, folks must trust each other. But it also means that you need to get comfortable with the uncomfortable places those conversations will go. You have to work through the discomfort (and often, defensiveness) of realizing you have done racist and sexist things in the past (and likely will in the future) and that you need to learn more, let others take the lead, and try not to repeat negative behaviors. BIPOC, LGBTQ+ folks, and cis women are uncomfortable in workplaces (and outside of work) much of the time. You can help by baring some of that load before your behavior or that of other cis men, becomes a burden on others.
Assessing Your Communication and Space
This is related to last week’s point on Workplace Culture. Of course, trust is needed for communication to happen, but here I’m referring to assessing one’s own communication practices. This involves committing to some level of self-awareness. How much space do you take up at work? This could be in the amount of time you talk, the way you expect others to talk, the roles you expect others to take on, or the amount of emotional labor you expect others to take up on your behalf. And yes, this can manifest in some of those behaviors that have received a lot of attention lately: mansplaining, manspreading, manterrupting, tone policing, and the like.
Often these behaviors are so ingrained that we don’t even notice them. Take some time to audit your behavior, and that of the other cis men around you. Then start to switch up your own stale patterns or call them out when you see them in others.
Be An Active Bystander
The good news about all of this is that because you have the power, you really can make change in your workplace (and beyond)! Even if you aren’t the boss, your behaviors help create the culture and environment of the space. So, when you hear someone make sexist, racist, or otherwise terrible comments, you can call them out/in! THIS IS HUGE! And I know it is hard and this is the place where most cis men get tripped up.
Masculinity and culture for men is so based competition— and therefore, dragging others down— that you don’t want to get dragged down as well. But true strength is making statements when you know that others might disagree. BUT, the other good news is that other cis men are probably also uncomfortable with this person’s shitty behavior and they were also waiting for someone else to say something.
The OTHER OTHER good news is that this doesn’t actually have to be hard! The Green Dot program and Hollaback! collaborated to create the 5 D’s of Intervention, which are: Distract, Delegate, Document, Delay, and Direct. I’m not going to go into detail because you can read about those here, but the main take-away is that calling someone out directly isn’t the only way to intervene in a situation. While the 5 D’s were created for public harassment, they are relevant in workplaces, as well (AND in your interactions with others in the industry).
Last, but not least, if you see something happening in the workplace that you would like to change (on your behalf or someone else’s), you can advocate for a change— whether it’s a behavior pattern, a workplace policy, or an issue with the industry as a whole (for example with marketing). You really do have the power.
Okay! These are a few steps that you can use to get rolling! These changes can start with you as an individual, with conversations you have with coworkers, or ways that you can advocate at the company level. There are lots of ways to do it, but the most important thing is to start. Definitely feel free to reach out if you have any questions or ideas!